Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will learn how to do something new. It will be from YouTube.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You'll have a sudden infatuation with lava lamps. Be careful, it's highly addictive.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will surreptitiously check if travelers to Mars are slowly growing tails

21 May – 20 Jun

A professional wrestler will arrive at your house to take you to prom.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Don't worry, the pile of dishes in the sink is not as dirty as you think.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your pillow will develop the ability to read your dreams and provide insightful analysis in the morning.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will eat a whole box of chocolates and not get sick.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You're a great hugger.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will eat too much ice cream today. It will give you a brain freeze.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will be high-fived by a chimp

22 Dec – 19 Jan

There is never too much garlic bread.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Don't get discouraged if your yodelling career doesn't take off. Yodelling is a difficult and dying art form, that only a few can master.

19 Feb – 20 Mar