Wacky Horoscopes — Cancer, September 12, 2023

The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You'll suddenly possess the weirdest talent for winning at games of chance.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will be visited by a talking grapefruit who will share the secrets of tropical wisdom with you.

21 May – 20 Jun

What's that thumping noise? It's an eastern philosophy professor on a rampage, trying to exterminate every concept in sight.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will taste the best beer you've ever had. It will be a self-brewed one.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You'll keep mistaking your hair dryer for a retro space-age jetpack. Put it to good use making an urgent escape.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will accidentally turn your shower into a disco party, complete with colorful lights and a dance floor.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your alarm clock's warbling will start up again, and will start playing your favourite tunes.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

The daily grind is getting to you. Try including garlic in your breakfast to help alleviate stress.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your hairdryer will gain the ability to blow bubbles instead of hot air.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Have you ever wanted to go on a boat ride? There are a lot of boats near your city that will take you on a great boat ride!

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you have a genuine fear of muffins.

19 Feb – 20 Mar