Wacky Horoscopes — Cancer, September 9, 2023

You are INFJ.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today, you will feel the need to create. Do not do this with paint, as you have no artistic ability whatsoever.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will find perfectly preserved confused mammoth meat in your freezer. Eat whatever's left

21 May – 20 Jun

Tomorrow you'll wake up in some sort of wizard stone circle exactly 431 feet below ground level. Time to conjure an adventure!

21 Jun – 22 Jul

It's time to upgrade your potato salad making skills.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

There are no shortcuts in life. Except, of course, when it comes to love. That can just go right over your head.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will have a staring contest with a wild animal and win.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will accidentally turn your vacuum cleaner into a time machine. Clean up the past and future simultaneously!

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You are going to be so tired after today.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You will be asked to eat an extra one hundred calories today, but it will be worth it.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You are what you eat and you have eaten only hot food, so you are hot.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Visit an alchemist for a potion

19 Feb – 20 Mar