Wednesday, September 6, 2023
-
Steal a hen from a farm with a Sagittarius girl
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
If you are a mammal, today you will communicate with the ancestors.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
Today you will have the same dream over and over
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
Today you will suddenly become convinced you want to get married and have children, and will start trying to design your wedding dress
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
You will win the lottery.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
Today you will receive a phone call from a telemarketer who turns out to be your long-lost twin.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
If you go to the toilet, you will be entertained.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Surprise guests will enter through your television screen, and you'll spend the next four hours explaining how it works and postmodernist architecture
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
Time spent with a book is worth less than that with your next-door-neighbour's ferret.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
An elderly relative will give you a box of old photographs today.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
You are not the sassiest person in the room.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
You're currently in the middle of a 30-day waiting period for a hipster bar's loyalty card.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
