Wacky Horoscopes — Aquarius, August 11, 2023

The planets are in alignment or something.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of the elusive pen thief who lurks in your office, leaving you perpetually searching for a writing instrument.

20 Apr – 20 May

Time to update your CV with some very unique skills: sheep shearing, pottery making and sailing a small boat.

21 May – 20 Jun

Haunt the Dead Sea with a Libra

21 Jun – 22 Jul

If it is sunny today, brexit means brexit

23 Jul – 22 Aug

It's very hot today so don't forget to bring your thermos and lots of water so you don't get dehydration.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Beware! rogue cantaloupes plotting evil schemes.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your hat has a mind of its own.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your mother is coming to stay for a few days, so you better tidy up your room.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your car will transform into a talking unicorn and demand to be fed glitter

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Just because you can't remember where you left your keys, it doesn't mean you're going to forget about them.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will join a long line of people waiting to have their kale transformed into mulch.

19 Feb – 20 Mar