Friday, June 6, 2025

• 

  You will spill tomato juice on your white t-shirt today. The stain will be permanent. Consider this a lesson in letting go of perfection.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  Stop getting your messages from a Ouija board. It's not safe.

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  Your problems are now shrinking! It might be because you are becoming more calm, or it might be because you are actually shrinking. I'm not really sure which one it is.

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  A misunderstanding about dinner will lead to an amusing conversation about your different preferences. Remember, friendships are about embracing our differences and finding common ground, just like pizza and garlic bread can be a perfect pairing.

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Just because you can't remember where you left your keys, it doesn't mean you're going to forget about them.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  You'll stumble upon an underground club devoted to knitting sweaters for cats.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Today you will understand the meaning of life, and suddenly all problems will be solved

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Do not fear change, be the change you want to see in the world. Unless it's your money, then you better keep an eye on it.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  You will dream of kangaroos throughout the night. Don't be alarmed, but do be weary of hopping accidents.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  Today you will accidentally send a lewd message to your mentor

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  Today you will discover that you haven't aged a single day in the passed year

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  The weather today will be a mix of sun and moonshine.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar