Wednesday, June 4, 2025

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  Today you will spend a blissful night doing nothing. You might just wake up with a solar system tattoo.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

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  Giraffes look dorky but they're actually very dangerous. Keep your distance

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

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  Your ancestors will visit you in a dream tonight, but they will be angrily waving cobwebs and chanting incomprehensible phrases. You will wake up screaming, but upon reflection in the morning, you will decide that maybe it was just a weird dream about grandma.

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

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  You will feel an unusual surge of energy today, and an intense desire to rearrange all of your furniture. After completing this task, you will feel a strong sense of accomplishment and a pleasing affinity for feng shui.

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

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  The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

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  Your car will transform into a talking unicorn and demand to be fed glitter

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

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  Today you will find your lost dog

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

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  Today you will suddenly discover a fondness for applying eye makeup

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

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  It's very hot today so don't forget to bring your thermos and lots of water so you don't get dehydration.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

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  Tomorrow you'll wake up in some sort of wizard stone circle exactly 431 feet below ground level. Time to conjure an adventure!

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

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  The planets are in alignment or something.

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

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  Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your socks with those of your neighbors. Keep track of your footwear!

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar