Saturday, May 31, 2025
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You'll keep mistaking your hair dryer for a retro space-age jetpack. Put it to good use making an urgent escape.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will discover that you can't sleep anymore. You're a god now.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You have an unhealthy obsession with bananas. Today is your lucky day.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today is a good day to have a few drinks with some close friends. Just don't drink too much. You have to work tomorrow.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will dream about a sheep tonight.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will accidentally turn your kitchen sponge into a magic carpet. Clean up with a touch of whimsy!
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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A fortune cookie will reveal a profound and life-changing prophecy. Take it with a grain of MSG.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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A sudden gust of wind will scatter all your sticky notes around the room. It'll be surprisingly inspiring.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Bees are hardworking and resilient--they thrive on teamwork and cooperation. If you spot a bee today, take it as a sign to incorporate these virtues into your own life.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The ghost of a murderer will visit you today.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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If someone suggests today that you listen to Kundalini rising chant music, do it.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Let your friend borrow your towel, it'll dry them up emotionally.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
