Wacky Horoscopes

Your hairdryer will gain the ability to blow bubbles instead of hot air.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You might be tempted to buy glitter today, resist if you can!

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You will discover a secret underground society of tea enthusiasts in your neighborhood.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Beware of your friends swapping your toothpaste with rainbow-colored frosting

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will befriend a magical dragon who will become your loyal companion. Get ready for epic adventures!

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will finally understand what being bored is all about

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Make use of your morning commute to listen to kazoo remixes of Wagner

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will find yourself inexplicably invited to a soiree

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

A stranger will approach you with an offer to time travel. Before accepting, consider the potential consequences and ensure you have a reliable return ticket.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You may have to take a jump to the left before you can take a little step to the right.

This year, you will find your path to enlightenment through the art of avoiding small talk. Your ability to gracefully extract yourself from superficial conversations will be a testament to your quest for deeper connections.