Wacky Horoscopes

A foreign country will tell you it is excited to have you visit.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will find a dead beetle in your coffee today. Throw it out and get a new one. Try to enjoy your day, dead beetle vibes are not contagious.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You have always felt a special connection to ants. Today you will feel that connection even more.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

When you put your left shoe on, you will know you are ready to face the day.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

An unexpected nap with a Capricorn will leave you feeling confused and unrested. You will swear you were visited by aliens in your sleep but can only remember snippets of their conversation.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will embrace the wisdom and company of friends both young and old.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

There is no such thing as a spoon.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothpaste with mayonnaise.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Always carry a bandana with you, you never know when you'll need to make a quick western.

A colorful parrot will interrupt your lunch today with surprising news: your fridge has been sending you secret messages encoded in the food inside it. You will spend the rest of the day attempting to decipher these messages.