Wacky Horoscopes

A scorpion will cross your path today. Fortunately, you'll have the upper hand because you'll be wearing wooden shoes.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will discover a secret superpower. Learn to levitate!

20 Apr – 20 May

Steal a hen from a farm with a Sagittarius girl

21 May – 20 Jun

A letter from Hogwarts is on its way to you.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You have a Leo friend who is as sweet as candy. Today, try and sell that candy.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will find luck in a penny.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will win a big prize at some point in your life, but unfortunately it won't happen today.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

An owl will fly into one of your windows

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your pet rock is looking especially cool today. I'm sure it would love for you to take it to a petting zoo.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your cat will whisper offensive language in your ear.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

The current UK Prime Minister follows you on Instagram.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

There is no such thing as a spoon.

19 Feb – 20 Mar