Wacky Horoscopes

You will dream about a sheep today. It will have a significant meaning.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your shoelaces will tie themselves together while you're walking.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Sometimes people say that we can't choose who we love. They're wrong. We can. We just don't make the right choice, which is the only possible problem with this plan.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Someone will confess their love for you today. It will be a platypus with a hat.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your toaster will start producing perfectly toasted images of famous paintings.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Trans people are hot. This will prove important to remember.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your pet goldfish will reveal its true identity as a reincarnated pirate seeking buried treasure.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

If you like symmetry you'll love what's in store for you today! Everything you touch will be perfectly symmetric.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You emit good vibes today, so take advantage of them and pursue opportunities.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

There is no such thing as an ocean, it's just a big puddle.

When you exit your office building today, you will discover a flock of flamingos grazing in the parking lot. This is an excellent omen for your creative energies, flamingos are known to symbolize adaptability and balance.