Wacky Horoscopes

You may never know when you will need a big bag of extra-strength deodorant. So just keep one on hand at all times.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.

20 Apr – 20 May

A random object will unlock hidden talents, maybe

21 May – 20 Jun

People will call you a socialist if you order a set meal at a restaurant today.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will have a staring contest with a wild animal and win.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Don't go to work! There's a small chance of an alien invasion, and you don't want to be anywhere near the office in the event of an alien takeover.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your lucky snack for the day is gummy bears; indulge, and you'll discover the secrets of the universe.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will find a secret underground society of synchronized sneezers. Join in their harmonious symphony.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

A chance to travel to a exotic location will fall into your lap, but you will decline due to an unexpected illness.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your morning toast will unexpectedly turn into a magical portal. So prepare to travel the wide galaxy.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will think you're seeing things

20 Jan – 18 Feb

At 7pm GMT you will be stuck in traffic due to a moose on the road

19 Feb – 20 Mar