Sunday, April 27, 2025
-
Talk yourself into remembering your thirty-third birthday by eating passion fruit
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Shake hands with the Lord of England
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
You will receive a message from the past.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
You will dream of kangaroos throughout the night. Don't be alarmed, but do be weary of hopping accidents.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
When the clock strikes thirteen, your soul will leave your body and you will be a ghost. Sorry.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
Today you will eat an entire tub of ice cream and not gain any weight.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
You have a non- vulgar tattoo on your butt.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Today you will find yourself suddenly able to understand what dogs are saying. They are actually speaking an advanced form of Latin, and you will be astounded at how much they complain about their owners. Do not be alarmed when all the dogs start howling at noon.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
Some people say that you can't have it all. But they are wrong. You can have anything you want. Just believe in yourself.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
A flock of seagulls will gather outside your window and sing you a song.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
It's hard to find balance in life. That's why it's important to have an onion nearby.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
Tomorrow you'll wake up in some sort of wizard stone circle exactly 431 feet below ground level. Time to conjure an adventure!
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
