Wacky Horoscopes

Beware of rogue limes conspiring to take over the fruit bowl.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your shampoo with toothpaste. Your hair may get minty fresh!

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will find yourself inexplicably invited to a soiree

21 May – 20 Jun

Those were not contact lenses you put in this morning; you may want to verify that with your optometrist.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will be bored ever since you became a grownup.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will have an encounter with a magical talking squirrel who grants wishes.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your boss will give you a surprise 360-degree review today. It'll be enlightening, if not a little scary.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You may not be the best, but you are the best for someone. Be there for that someone today.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Beware of mischievous socks that have learned to walk on their own. They may try to escape your drawer.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Time spent with a book is worth less than that with your next-door-neighbour's ferret.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Don't stand under that apple tree!

20 Jan – 18 Feb

A penguin will deliver your mail today. It will be an awkward experience for both of you, so just wait by the window and avoid eye contact.

19 Feb – 20 Mar