Friday, April 25, 2025
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As you wander through a lush forest, you will encounter a group of friendly yet mischievous fairies who will bestow upon you a series of bizarre and comical blessings.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Attend a quinceañera with the ultimate chianti burger
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will meet a messenger from a parallel universe. They will try to sell you a timeshare. Do not buy it!
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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There is no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're a mouse.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will gain a new appreciation for jelly/jello salad today.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Uncover a portal to a parallel universe where con prints don't work on file cabinets.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Your pet rock is looking especially cool today. I'm sure it would love for you to take it to a petting zoo.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Rub your belly while running and watch your speed increase threefold.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will realize a bunch of things are true about you that you always thought we're just false
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Try to eat a breakfast made entirely of candy today.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will find a lost sock and realize it's actually a gateway to a parallel universe. Good luck finding its pair!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will fart on stage at a performance and give up music forever
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
