Wacky Horoscopes

You'll finally master the art of flipping pancakes, and will briefly consider a career as a short-order chef. Your pancakes will taste great with lemon sauce.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will be able to taste colors today. This will be an interesting experience but also very confusing. You'll discover that yellow tastes like mustard and that the color blue is disgusting, akin to eating soap. Hopefully, you don't have to eat anything blue today.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You were almost a pro-gamer.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

You'll be swept away by a mysterious tide of human emotion and will fall into a trance.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your car will mysteriously start driving itself today. Whatever you do, do not attempt to catch up on your emails while this is happening, or intervene in any way. Just enjoy the ride and hope you arrive at your destination.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

A watermelon will fall from the sky and explode on the pavement next to you, revealing a secret map of treasures hidden within the produce section of your local grocery store.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

This is your invitation to the party. Today, any and all your pathetic excuses for why you haven't followed your dreams can finally be laid to rest.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You will make an impulse purchase today. It will make you feel alive.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will discover a hidden talent for predicting the weather by listening to the songs of birds. Become the avian meteorologist!

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

While on a leisurely hike, you will stumble upon a hidden portal to another dimension, where time and space converge in a mesmerizing display of swirling colors and cosmic melodies.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Your bank account will suddenly have an infestation of fruit flies. They are a sign of good fortune! Don't worry!

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Cuddle with a golden haired Pisces

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Saturday, April 19, 2025