Wacky Horoscopes

At parties, attendance is optional, life is short

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Don't worry, the pile of dishes in the sink is not as dirty as you think.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today, you will discover the undeniable appeal of spontaneous naps. Even if you can't sleep, just enjoy the peace and quiet. You deserve it.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

A rival is out there. This will become a huge bummer for them.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

It's said that we are our own past and future. If that's the case, you should be an exceptionally good liar.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will discover that the trees outside your home have started to communicate in a secret language. Try to decipher what they're saying, but respect their privacy.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

If you can afford to have your friends over for a big cookout, then consider doing so! Having people around with good food is always a plus.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You are 92% sure that you are the protagonist of a role-playing video game.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You'll suddenly discover that you've developed the ability to time jump.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will forget something you cannot forget because you forgot to use the words not, don't, forget, couldn't, or never

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will find a mysterious key that unlocks doors to fantastical realms. Prepare for magical encounters and thrilling quests.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your significant other will inexplicably forget an important date. Ignore their pathetic excuses and cherish your alone time.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Sunday, April 13, 2025