Wacky Horoscopes

You will make it a habit to forgive others, but most importantly, you will learn to forgive yourself.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Find a ventriloquist's dummy and whisper a magic spell in its ear

20 Apr – 20 May

Your car keys will develop the ability to teleport, leading to an exciting treasure hunt throughout your home.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will be alone with a very nice young lady

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will be visited by a talking grapefruit who will share the secrets of tropical wisdom with you.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Get into bed with an Egyptian Taurus.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Don't be alarmed when your sofa cushions start attacking you.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

The cafeteria's mystery meat is calling your name; indulge, and a revelation will unfold.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You and I will both receive a text from a rabbit asking for your help.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

If you go to the toilet, you will be entertained.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You'll be invited to a really cool party, but it'll be in your honour so you'll have to go.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will accidentally turn your alarm clock into a time machine.

19 Feb – 20 Mar