Wacky Horoscopes

Your door will magically turn into a portal to the robot dimension where you and I can converse via telepathy

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

This year, you will find your path to enlightenment through the art of mindful drinking. Your ability to savor each sip of your favorite beverage, be it a finely crafted beer or a decadent glass of wine, will elevate your appreciation for the art of drinking.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will suddenly find yourself transported into a strange alternate universe full of magic and wonders, but without any of the usual nonsense of everyday life

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will go on a first date. You will find out that your date's name is also your name.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

A random stranger will smile at you today. Don't be alarmed; they are not trying to conspire against you. In fact, they might just be thinking about how delicious your aura is.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today is a good day to try a new recipe. If it doesn't work out, there is always take-out.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

For an added bonus to your day, make sure you take a picture of yourself before leaving the house.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

It’s not just a phase.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will have a chance to make a great sacrifice today. Maybe sacrifice isn't the right word... let's call it altruism. Anyway, you'll get to hold the door open for someone.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will lose your train ticket

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will have an unexpected encounter with a famous person, someone you've always admired from a distance. Don't be starstruck - remember that they're just a person too. Who knows, maybe they'll impart some words of wisdom or offer you a tasty snack.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Everyone is a moon, except you. You are the sun. And the stars. And the sky.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Monday, April 7, 2025