Sunday, April 6, 2025
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You are the chosen one.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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A foreign country will tell you it is excited to have you visit.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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From skillfully squeezing every drop of time out of a deadline to creatively finding excuses for delaying tasks, your mastery of the art of procrastination will be unrivaled.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You'll suddenly be overcome by a witchy urge to play Dungeons & Dragons.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your favourite pair of socks will vanish into another dimension.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today, you're about to discover a source of major savings: surplus toilet paper.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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It's impossible to not smile when listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. That's just science.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Avoid using the word "klutz" today. Someone will take it personally.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will accidentally turn your umbrella into a parachute. Float down with style!
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Beware of falling acorns—they are plotting a squirrel uprising.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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An imbalance in the universe creates an unusual situation: for each step you take forward, you will take three sideways. Expect to get nowhere quickly.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Start some supernatural creatures at the tip of your finger tonight.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
