Saturday, April 5, 2025
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Your destiny is to find the perfect burrito. Just like the stars have aligned to bring you this divine prophecy, the ingredients of your quest are before you: savory meats, creamy sauces, and a plethora of crunchy toppings await.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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A strange noise will perturb you throughout the day today. Despite your best efforts, you will be unable to locate the source of this noise, and it will drive you mad. Just remember, madness is relative, and tomorrow you will likely forget all about this.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will realize that there is nobody dead nearest you and will instantly forget about your destiny.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will accidentally turn your microwave into a time machine.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will accidentally dye your hair neon green.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today, you will forever change the shape of the gene tree.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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A feeling of restlessness will overtake you today. Fortunately, this feeling will propel you to clean and organize your closet, resulting in a productive use of this energy.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You're a great hugger.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Beware of a sudden craving for pickles and chocolate pudding—it's a culinary adventure you won't forget.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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A dog in Canada will steal your seat on the bus.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your yearly pity party is today. You can cry if you want to!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will experience an intense psychic surge
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
