Wacky Horoscopes

A stray cat will adopt you as its personal masseuse. Expect purrfection.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent dolphin. Prepare for deep conversations in the ocean.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Your daily commute will be disrupted by an escaped parrot today. Don't try to catch it; instead, encourage others to join you in a lunchtime parrot parade.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will accidentally turn your kitchen sponge into a magic carpet. Clean up with a touch of whimsy!

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Todays not a good day to try new drugs, stick to what you know.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will receive some incredible news today. Just make sure you don't drop your phone while you're reading it.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your morning coffee will mysteriously taste like pumpkin spice and lavender.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Beware of mischievous garden fairies rearranging your flower beds into intricate crop circles.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your favourite pair of glasses will gain sentience and will tell you that you wear them too tight

A spontaneous trip to the zoo will lead to an unexpected encounter with a giraffe. The giraffe will offer you insightful life advice, but you will have to decipher its meaning through subtle gestures as it is too tall to talk to you face-to-face.