Wacky Horoscopes

A secret society will invite you to join them, but they're really into sharing funny memes.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today is the day to avoid mirrors, any mirror at all costs.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will accidentally turn your microwave into a time machine.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will decide you don't need to go to work, and will decide to stay at home instead

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will stumble upon a hidden treasure map while doing laundry.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will discover that your house is haunted, by an incredibly friendly ghost. Congrats on the new roommate!

23 Aug – 22 Sep

It's always good to have a laugh, especially at someone else's expense. Unless they're a baby, then you should probably just let them cry.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your mother is coming to stay for a few days, so you better tidy up your room.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Adopt the wisdom of fortune cookies; your fate is intricately woven within those cryptic messages.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will suddenly know everything about accurate fireworks displays

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will find a forgotten penny on the street today. Don't spend it, it will bring you bad luck.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Nope nope nope.

19 Feb – 20 Mar