Sunday, March 9, 2025

• 

  Today you will decide that raising kids is kinda hard.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  You will have a surprisingly stimulating conversation with a slice of toast today. Try to avoid letting the bread crunching noises dominate the dialogue.

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  Your alarm clock will start playing catchy tunes in the morning, transforming waking up into a dance party.

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  You will overestimate your own strength when you attempt to lift a particularly heavy object today. Don't risk it! You'll save face by asking for help anyway.

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Today you will experience the loss of your sense of smell

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  You are at least 93% water.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Take an ionizing shower with a Virgo

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Don't wear those shoes with that belt.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  Your toaster will mysteriously start reciting Shakespearean sonnets today.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  Today, you will find yourself inexplicably drawn to a garage sale, where you'll uncover a peculiar antique teapot.

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  Your toothbrush will gain the ability to brush your teeth on its own. Enjoy the hands-free dental hygiene!

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  Watch out for baby goats in trees today.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar