Wacky Horoscopes

Ach, vitamins—you'll accidentally unwittingly run out of them

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will accidentally turn your shower into a disco party, complete with colorful lights and a dance floor.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will wonder why there are so many scrap papers interspersed amongst your things

21 May – 20 Jun

If you happen to encounter a rainbow today, take it as a good omen. Your lucky leprechaun is nearby.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Beware of mischievous fairies stealing your left socks and replacing them with right ones.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your socks with those of your neighbors. Keep track of your footwear!

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your smartphone will start downloading a constant stream of information about the world for no apparent reason.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

From poetic profanity to succinctly expressing your frustration, your potty mouth will become a thing of legend.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You have a long road ahead of you. Thankfully, you have some very tiny feet.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

That sneeze you keep suppressing isn't going to go away. Accept fate, grab a tissue, and get it over with.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Your future will be bright as you will win the lottery next week. However, you will spend it all on an automated asteroid Killer Space Laser.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Enjoy some art, whatever form it takes. Only a firsthand experience can make it real.

19 Feb – 20 Mar