Monday, March 3, 2025
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You have an unhealthy obsession with bananas. Today is your lucky day.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your enemies are planning an intervention. Celebrate tonight with an extravagant gesture, but don't tell them about it.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will join a long line of people waiting to have their kale transformed into mulch.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will discover a new sensation: itchy underwear. Don't worry, this is a sign of good luck.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You are a force to be reckoned with. So go out and reckon with something.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will be compelled to rethink your favourite colour after a series of unfortunate events involving yellow and green result in an overwhelming preference for turquoise.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will wake up with a mysterious foreign object in your pocket: a smooth, black stone adorned with delicate white etchings that you don't remember picking up.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You are going to be so tired after today.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want. Today, you have to fight for a rest.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Enjoy some art, whatever form it takes. Only a firsthand experience can make it real.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will have the opportunity to make a wish today. Try not to wish for more wishes, because that would just be greedy.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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When you get a spray tan, your soul emerges in goldenrod.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
