Sunday, March 2, 2025
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Everyone is a moon, except you. You are the sun. And the stars. And the sky.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Don't talk to strangers. todays not the day to make new friends.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will experience the loss of your sense of smell
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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It will rain vertically today.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will eat too much ice cream today. It will give you a brain freeze.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will come across a treacherous traitorous plot to begin world war three
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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From skillfully changing the subject to gracefully excusing yourself, your aversion to small talk will inspire others to yearn for more meaningful interactions.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your bad luck has run out, consider playing the lottery. This message is sponsored by the lottery.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You have the power to be a super hero. Unfortunately you may waste it on becoming rich.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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There is no way to fit that square peg into that round hole.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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The planets have aligned to give you a free pass on burping in public today. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You have to poop.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
