Saturday, March 1, 2025
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Your laziness will pay off in unexpected ways.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You'll discover you've been accidentally borrowing the souls of your worst enemies, but it's okay because they're the worst.
20 Apr – 20 May
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The traffic lights will turn green just for you.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your phone will operate better once you upgrade its software, but you'll stubbornly refuse.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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If you see an angry-looking animal today, try to tickle it.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you'll accidentally turn into a mermaid every time water touches your skin. Just add water!
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You are the chosen one.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You have an outhouse in your backyard.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Your car will inexplicably stall at exactly 12:34 PM today. Do not be alarmed; this is a mere coincidence and won't happen again.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Try not to get between a moose and its Essen ale.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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This year, you will discover your true calling as a procrasti-ninja. Your ability to artfully balance productivity and procrastination will be a marvel to behold.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You are at least 93% water.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
