Wacky Horoscopes

You'll receive a mysterious note telling you that a bold experiment is about to commence.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

If you touch a fish in your sleep, it means you'll meet your soul mate by water

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you'll find yourself baking an epic pie, but will be frustrated by how difficult it is to cut it into slices.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Today is a good day for public transportation, especially for people wearing period costumes.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your toaster oven starts cursing tomorrows about its lack of toasting element. Time to invest in a bigger one

A stubborn calf will challenge your midday errands today. Do not attempt to reason with this calf, as reason is decidedly on the calf's side today. Eventually it will tire itself out and you can continue on your way.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Don't step on the broken glass, it might cut your feet.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

In Japan, you're a god. In Mexico, you're a god. In Canada, you're also a god.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today, you'll find yourself captivated by the intricate patterns formed by spilled coffee on the café table, unraveling a prophetic message for the day ahead.