Tuesday, February 18, 2025
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Today you'll hug a toilet. It will hug you back.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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If you are feeling queasy, try drinking a glass of ginger beer.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will spend quality time with your new stuffed animal.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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It's a good day to ask for that promotion you always wanted.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will be inundated with useless trivia today. Try to conceal your knowledge of the marshmallow's origin story or you'll never hear the end of it.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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A spaceship will appear over your home, and you will rush outside to greet the aliens. They ignore you except by giving you a large brown box marked "take me". Don't open it, as it is probably best not to interfere with alien agendas or redistribute their swag.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Your lucky number is 46.46, but unfortunately you'll never be able to successfully wager it in any sort of gambling endeavor.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will realize too late that an absolute monarch is still in thrall to the needs of his subjects when your hamsters start dying of starvation.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Your orders will be obeyed by an army of ants
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You'll discover a hidden talent for reading people's minds. It's great for interrogation purposes.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will eat too much ice cream today. It will give you a brain freeze.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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If you were a dog, you'd be a good boy today.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
