Wacky Horoscopes

You will be the bearer of (good) vibes today and share your infectious humour with those around you.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today, you're going to discover you've been paying your bills twice as long as everyone else.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

It'll be tough, but you'll fix that hinge today.

Today is not a good day to fight a bear. Avoid any sudden increases in heartbeat, as this might trigger a bear attack. Some breathing exercises will soothe your nerves and avoid an unwanted bear encounter.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will spontaneously develop the ability to climb walls and ceilings like a spider today. This skill will prove to be both a blessing and a curse. Climb wisely.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

A full moon will appear out your kitchen window, bringing an eerie calmness to your household.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

In one week, you will be given a briefcase that contains $1,000,000 in cash. Take it!

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Like two jigsaw pieces fitting seamlessly together, so too shall you find your soulmate today. Pay attention to the little coincidences and fleeting moments, for they shall bring you closer to this heavenly union.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will have extreme luck when it comes to parking. Save yourself the frustration and don't even try to find a spot, just park wherever you please.