Monday, February 10, 2025
-
Don't forget to stop and smell the roses today. Unless you're in a rush, then it's probably not worth it.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
There is no such thing as an ocean, it's just a big puddle.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
It's time for a cup of tea and a Danish pastry.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
You have a special someone in your life who truly cares about you. Except that person is a narcissistic parrot who actually doesn't give a damn about you. But you already know that.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
Today you will accidentally turn your microwave into a time machine.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
You'll discover you've been accidentally borrowing the souls of your worst enemies, but it's okay because they're the worst.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
Like two jigsaw pieces fitting seamlessly together, so too shall you find your soulmate today. Pay attention to the little coincidences and fleeting moments, for they shall bring you closer to this heavenly union.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
When you get your fortune told at the bottom of a paper bag, you get a different message.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
You will find a four-leaf clover, but only after you have convinced a friend that three-leaf clovers are lucky too.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
Today you will accidentally turn your car into a giant pumpkin carriage, complete with horses and footmen.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
For some reason, you feel an uncontrollable urge to get up and do a victory dance every few minutes.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
You will discover you are colour blind but only to gamma rays.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
