Wacky Horoscopes

You still play with LEGO.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Forgive vampires for being distrustful.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will lose your train ticket

21 May – 20 Jun

Make out with an Arabian Libra

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your lucky number is 87; repeat it three times before boarding any form of transport for good luck.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your car will inexplicably stall at exactly 12:34 PM today. Do not be alarmed; this is a mere coincidence and won't happen again.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You are teleported into a parallel universe where every conversation ends with a question mark?

23 Sep – 22 Oct

At the dinner party, everyone will try to outdrink one another. Or you will confuse the white wine for ruining it.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You are a very special person, and you should know that. But not in a way that's creepy.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your critics are just jealous of your success. Remember that the next time they accuse you of not knowing how to correctly use a fork.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

If you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can hear the ocean.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

A flock of seagulls will serenade you with a rendition of your favourite song. Prepare to be amazed.

19 Feb – 20 Mar