Sunday, January 26, 2025
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The planets have aligned to give you a free pass on burping in public today. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your name will be chosen for the winner of a brand-new car in a mysterious lottery you never entered. Don't dismiss this unexpected opportunity - claim your prize!
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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An ordinary afternoon at the grocery store will transform into a life-changing encounter with a charismatic and enigmatic stranger who will challenge your perceptions of reality and introduce you to the world of lucid dreaming.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will spontaneously develop the ability to climb walls and ceilings like a spider today. This skill will prove to be both a blessing and a curse. Climb wisely.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will learn the secret to happiness. It is to never forget your umbrella.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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At work, you may feel the need to introduce a novelty desk accessory to your colleagues. While it may not enhance productivity, it will certainly make your desk stand out.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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If it is sunny today, brexit means brexit
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Be open to the possibility of receiving a cryptic message from a fortune cookie that holds the secret to your future success in knitting sweaters.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Do not fear the reaper, but do fear your printer when it runs out of ink.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will adopt an unusual new pet, like a stick insect or a tarantula. They will befriend your cat.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You have a Leo friend who is as sweet as candy. Today, try and sell that candy.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Oh my god you're so hot today.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
