Tuesday, January 7, 2025
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Today you will have to fill 2 minutes with continuous laughter. Expect to fail
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Nope nope nope.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You have a long road ahead of you. Thankfully, you have some very tiny feet.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A sunny day will turn into a stormy one as you suddenly develop the ability to control the weather with your mind. You will use this power for evil and cause a minor thunderstorm to ruin someone's outdoor picnic.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A dog in Canada will steal your seat on the bus.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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If you play a brass instrument, now is the time to dust it off.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Ach, vitamins—you'll accidentally unwittingly run out of them
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You're a collector of rare salts.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your shampoo with toothpaste. Your hair may get minty fresh!
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Beware of mischievous fairies stealing your left socks and replacing them with right ones.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Take a breath with a Chilean Warrior
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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It is written in the stars that you will live until you are 92 years old.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
