Friday, January 3, 2025
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If you can, take a sick day from work. Your boss won't even notice you're gone.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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There are multiple spiders living in your hair.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A rogue asteroid will hit Earth today. Thankfully, it will only destroy a small desert in Belarus. Feel free to send it your condolences.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will find a lost treasure map hidden inside a jar of Nutella. Embark on a sweet adventure!
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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When you meet a new person, you have to make weird noises at them.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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If you're feeling crabby, eat a crab.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You are teleported into a parallel universe where every conversation ends with a question mark?
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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The weather will be beautiful in your neck of the woods today.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Like a twinkling star, you shall guide others through the darkness. Your presence and radiance will have a lasting impact on those around you.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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This year, you will find your soul's purpose in the pursuit of the perfectly wrinkled shirt. Your obsession with the art of nonchalant elegance will be revered by those in the know.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will dream about a sheep tonight.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Your favourite pair of sunglasses will mysteriously turn into x-ray glasses, allowing you to see through walls.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
