Wacky Horoscopes

You will be able to hear what your pets are saying today. It will drive you crazy.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

For the foreseeable future, all your conversations will be via email.

20 Apr – 20 May

You will meet a stranger who will change your life.

21 May – 20 Jun

A bird will fall out of the sky and onto your head. It will be strangely satisfying.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you'll be unexpectedly decorated with pointy ears, allowing you to attend Rave Chic parties without fear of bloodshed

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will have the strength of a thousand elephants, harness this power to accomplish everything you set out to do.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will develop a sudden affinity for wearing mismatched socks.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will receive a divorce summons from a lawyer you now find extremely attractive, but you're not married.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You are INFJ.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You've been feeling a bit run down lately. Today would be a great day to relax. Put your feet up and have a drink. You've earned it.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

The meaning of life is:

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You are a very special person, and you should know that. But not in a way that's creepy.

19 Feb – 20 Mar