Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will wonder why there are so many scrap papers interspersed amongst your things

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

This is your invitation to the party. Today, any and all your pathetic excuses for why you haven't followed your dreams can finally be laid to rest.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You will uncharacteristically lose a fierce debate, despite having the most logical argument.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

You have always wanted to write a letter to your future self. Today is the day to do it.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will discover that you can't eat avocado anymore

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your problems are now shrinking! It might be because you are becoming more calm, or it might be because you are actually shrinking. I'm not really sure which one it is.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Be weary of all old people on the beach today, especially those offering to help you bury your new pet.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You have always wanted to try paragliding. Today is the day.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You never finished your thesis.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Experiment with automatic writing: Allow your subconscious to take control of your pen and see what messages flow onto the page.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You have a unique talent! Use it to win the goldfish lottery.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your hairbrush will transform into a magical wand, granting you the power to create fabulous hairstyles with a flick.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Thursday, December 26, 2024