Monday, December 23, 2024
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Burn calories with firewise advice from a British earl
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your television will start broadcasting messages from an alien civilization.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You'll be asked to bring a salad to a party, so you will make a potato salad.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A wild ferret will disrupt a meeting you are attending today. Hopefully it's a cute ferret.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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An unusual cosmic energy will cause an abundance of cacti to appear in your life, which you will need to learn to live with and appreciate, despite the spines and general dryness.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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An unexpected promotion at work will lead to a sudden influx of cash and an obsession with unusual hobbies like ping pong or curling.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Prepare for a strange coincidence as you accidentally match your neighbor's outfit, prompting an awkward but amusing encounter.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will be visited by a famous archaeologist – but she has terrible ideas about fancy dress. Lose the mustache.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Your mailbox will become a portal to a parallel dimension where mail is delivered by unicorns.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will find a lost library card and will use it to borrow a stack of stolen books to read on your vacation
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes plotting to steal your shoes.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Believe it or not, a marmoset will be behind the wheel if you take the train today.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
