Sunday, December 8, 2024
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Prepare to witness a synchronized dance routine performed by a group of synchronized shopping carts at the supermarket.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your boss will recognize your unique talents today, by giving you a seemingly impossible task. Don't worry, any task can be accomplished through determination and shear will.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Make love with a stiff-necked Libra
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will forget something you cannot forget because you forgot to use the words not, don't, forget, couldn't, or never
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will discover you have the ability to manipulate reality with swipes of your hand
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will accidentally discover an online sketch comedy show that you're obsessed with
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today is the day to start your alien archaeology career dig if you've always wanted to. The conditions are perfect.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Look for your letter in the mirror.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Embrace the peculiar sound of a malfunctioning elevator, as it holds the key to unlocking a new friendship with a quirky inventor who lives on the top floor.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today is the day to start your alien archaeology career dig if you've always wanted to. The conditions are perfect.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Time to put away your stamp collection. You'll never finish it anyway.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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That would be a big plate of…bread.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
