Wacky Horoscopes

You will have the uncanny ability to predict the exact moment when someone is about to sneeze.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your lucky snack for the day is gummy bears; indulge, and you'll discover the secrets of the universe.

20 Apr – 20 May

Have you been eating bananas? That's good for you, you know.

21 May – 20 Jun

Time to update your CV with some very unique skills: sheep shearing, pottery making and sailing a small boat.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your favourite pair of socks will gain the ability to teleport.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will receive a call from a number you don't recognise.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

If you eat some sugar, you can speak Chinese.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will buy yourself a plane ticket to London, and then forget about it once you get there

23 Oct – 21 Nov

People will call you a socialist if you order a set meal at a restaurant today.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Whatcha eating?

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will finally be regarded as both a domestic god and a vegetable revolutionary

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will discover a new found talent for belching the alphabet. Today is not the day to try this out on a first date.

19 Feb – 20 Mar