Monday, December 2, 2024
-
Do not fear the Receptionist, for she will give you a word of the day and help you on your way.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Today you will be the victim of an innocent misunderstanding. Do not worry, it will sort itself out in time, and hopefully you can avoid being yelled at by an angry sailor.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
Your shoelaces will tie themselves together while you're walking.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
If you're feeling anxious today, try some herbal tea. Camomile is a good place to start.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
Today you will try and pray to God, and will receive no answer
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
Today you will find a lost sock and realize it's actually a gateway to a parallel universe. Good luck finding its pair!
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
Beware of rogue umbrellas conspiring to take over the world.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Today you will discover the most beautiful rose garden ever, but will be unable to remember how you got there.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
Resist the urge to overuse emojis; today, your emotions are best expressed through interpretive bird calls.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
You will see a UFO.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
The concept of time is an illusion, so don't bother showing up for work.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
An epiphany will strike while perusing the aisles of your local pet store, revealing the profound truth that turtles are, in fact, the secret rulers of the world.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
