Wacky Horoscopes

You will find yourself at a farmers market, for some reason.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will dream in the language of birds today, and upon waking, you will eagerly rush to your window to try to interpret the meaning of the songs you hear, only to realize that it was just a bunch of pigeons arguing over a scrap of bread.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

There are multiple reasons why your personal life has been so exhausting lately. At least one of them is that you have an abnormally high number of unpaid speeding tickets.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Your inability to arrive on time for anything will result in Mother breathing her last breath just as you sit down for brunch.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Every time you glance at a mirror today, you will see a different face reflecting back at you. Don't worry, this is not a sign of an alternate reality invading your space, but rather a subtle reminder that you are beautiful in every single way.