Wacky Horoscopes

You are experiencing vertigo today, so take it easy on the stairs

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will experience an intense craving for marshmallows today. But rather than just eating them plain, you will feel compelled to experiment and create a sophisticated marshmallow-based dish, perhaps a marshmallow-stuffed casserole or a fluffy marshmallow cake.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will experience an intense craving for pudding and will eat it for both lunch and dinner.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Do you want to know how the world really looks? Today, you must brave an oppressive apocalyptic future, and perhaps discover something worthwhile while you're at it.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will find a forgotten childhood toy that brings back nostalgic memories.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

God is telling you to quit dipping your chicken nuggets today. Just don't do it.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

That thing you are worried about? It's probably not going to happen. But when it does, at least you'll be prepared thanks to the excessive worrying you've been doing. Congratulations on achieving the worst of both worlds!

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

As you immerse yourself in the soothing sounds of a nearby waterfall, you will discover a newfound ability to communicate with plants, who will reveal their ancient wisdom and share their secrets for cultivating happiness.