Wacky Horoscopes

You will meet a stranger who will change your life.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will find a hidden pocket of time today, where an hour seems to stretch into two. Use this time wisely and engage in activities that bring you true joy.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

A map will be crucial to your success today. Don't worry, you'll figure it out.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Be cautious today, for seagulls and badgers have inexplicably switched places, and you do not want to get caught in the crossfire.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

The bitterness you feel towards pineapples will suddenly make sense when you discover they are in fact aliens in disguise, plotting to take over the world.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

If you can, take a sick day from work. Your boss won't even notice you're gone.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

If a new console drops today, you're in for a treat.

Your sense of taste will be heightened today. Everything you eat will taste spectacular, even mundane foods like plain bread or crackers. Enjoy this rare culinary treat but try not to overindulge lest you end up with a stomachache.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your alarm clock's warbling will start up again, and will start playing your favourite tunes.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Ignore unconventional difficulties with Kayaks.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will have a dream about flying tonight. Write down your thoughts and aspirations before bed.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today, someone will angrily swipe their hand across their steering wheel in frustration as they pass by the perfectly-sized parking spot you just snagged, and they'll wonder why their horoscope didn't warn them of this misfortune.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Sunday, November 17, 2024