Wacky Horoscopes

You will join a long line of people waiting to have their kale transformed into mulch.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will have a brief hallucination that you are talking to a dog

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You will have an unexpected encounter with a squirrel today. Be prepared for a sudden diversion in your plans.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

You will meet your soulmate today, and they will be covered in hair.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

A bird will unexpectedly poop on you today. This is a sign that you need to let go of your worries and embrace the messiness of life. Clean yourself off and move forward with a positive outlook.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You are embraced by the cosmic hug of the universe. Regardless of the challenges you face today, know that you are loved and protected.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Beware of rogue pigeons attempting to steal your lunch today.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You'll discover a hidden talent for reading people's minds. It's great for interrogation purposes.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Have a Skype session with an octopus

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Watch out for baby goats in trees today.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

When the time comes, you will know what to do. Hopefully you'll know it before anyone else.

Don't try to fix your own technological problems if you don't know what you're doing. Instead, ask for help or look it up online. You'll save yourself a lot of time and frustration by acknowledging your limitations.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Saturday, November 16, 2024