Thursday, November 14, 2024
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Today you will win the lottery at least twice
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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If you're feeling overwhelmed this week, just remember: the universe is vast and incomprehensible. That should make you feel better.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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No online shoe purchases today, your feet will thank you
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will meet a nice bisexual
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you'll discover an amazingly amnesiac mouse living in your attic.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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In a few days, your dreams are going to be eerily accurate. I would ask what this means, but I'm pretty sure you already know.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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A chance meeting with a celebrity will lead to an unexpected friendship, unless they're too busy for you.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your email account has been hacked. The hacker is very sorry and has returned all of your emails. They are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will have an unexpected craving for bubble wrap. Seek out the most satisfying piece to pop.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You are teleported into a parallel universe where every conversation ends with a question mark?
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your partner is feeling snuggly.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will have a strong desire to drink orange juice straight from the carton today. Resist this urge, because orange juice always stains the couch, no matter how carefully you try to drink it.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
