Wacky Horoscopes

Get into bed with an Egyptian Taurus.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

A misunderstanding about the proper use of an asterisk will lead to unnecessary confusion and drama. Avoid using asterisks today unless you're absolutely sure what they mean.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Your hairdryer will gain the ability to blow bubbles instead of hot air.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will try out a new brand of ice cream and will not try any others

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You've never been to Canada, have you? Well, today's the day!

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you should take a road trip.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

The fates conspire to bless your endeavours in the realm of love today. Should you kiss a stranger on the subway, rest assured they shall not be a stranger for long.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

If you drink alcohol today you will hear voices coming from every wall

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You have a tiger in your basement.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

During the night you will hear voices and will wonder if they're coming from the walls

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You are owed a pizza. Order it.

Today is a good day to conquer your fears and try something new. If you're afraid of heights, try eating a delicious meal at a rooftop restaurant. If you're afraid of clowns, try watching a movie where they're the heroes. Conquer your fears in small doses.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Tuesday, November 12, 2024