Friday, November 8, 2024
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You are 92% sure that you are the protagonist of a role-playing video game.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Is there anything better than coming home from work to find that your partner has made you dinner? They know exactly how to take care of you.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will be told that one of your ancestors is a Roman emperor
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your toaster will develop a mind of its own and insist on making only smiley face toast for the entire day.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You are experiencing vertigo today, so take it easy on the stairs
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your favourite pair of socks will mysteriously vanish, only to reappear as a hat on a passing pigeon.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will fart on stage at a performance and give up music forever
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your hairbrush will gain sentience and start giving you daily pep talks.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Absorbing workout advice from social media celebrities is a recipe for disappointment. Save your ego and your wallet, devise a plan that works for you and stick to it.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will receive a Facebook friend request from a crab today.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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An unexpected promotion at work will lead to a sudden influx of cash and an obsession with unusual hobbies like ping pong or curling.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you discover a portal to another dimension.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
